Friday, November 15, 2013

A Happy Marriage

My husband has been told before by other men that their marriage is different than his. These men have observed us interacting and have come to this conclusion. I too have been ask before why am I so happy with my marriage.  I can tell you right now we do not hold the secret to happiness. I think the key to a happy marriage is to be in love with and love the person. Many are in love with the ideal of being in love, but they are not really in love. There is a difference. 

Life is not always a bowl of cherries. It is easier to be happy when times are good. The real test is when the going gets tough. If you love someone, then you pull together and work together to meet and over come life's hurdles. When you are unhappy with the other person, the smallest things seen to irritate you. During a trying time it helps to look at the other person's point of view and look at the situation as if you are a third party. I always try to look at life through my husbands eyes.

Another key item to a happy marriage is being intimate. Intimacy is important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world. Most people would define intimacy as a relationship that involves either physical or emotional intimacy. The emotional intimacy is often what couples lack. Emotional intimacy is what many women are seeking. The lack of emotional intimacy is the blueprint for many unhappy marriages. Emotional intimacy boils down to being a trust issue.

Men as a usual rule are not as emotional as women. Historically, men have not been taught to feel emotions. Thus, many men are afraid to feel emotions and do not know what to do with them when they do. They do not call each other up and say, I feel. Females of all ages do this. We vent to other women and men. Men as an usual rule do not have any practice with this emotional exercise. It is not that men do not have thoughts or feelings. They have learned to keep them bottled up inside. Some men are afraid to shows what is on the inside. They think it makes them look weak. This is hard for women to understand. Women share our feelings and thoughts all the time. It is a simple, easy task for women.

I am one of the lucky ones and I did not realize it. My husband and I share thoughts, hopes, and feelings. I have never had to wonder what he is thinking or feeling. It is uncanny at times we can finish each others sentences. There are times we can just look at one another and know what the other one thinks about something.

The secret to getting a man to open up with you and share his thoughts, feelings, fears, and concerns is not as hard as you might think. Men need to be able to feel comfortable so they can be themselves and share what they think and feel! So if you want a man to open up to you, he has to feel safe taking that risk with you. You have to accept him, as he is. You can not try to change him. When he shares his thoughts or feelings, you do not want to judge or correct them. Sharing thoughts and feelings is foreign to many men.

Another important key to a happy marriage is always be willing to apologize. A good rule of thumb is not to go to bed being angry with your spouse. Pride and being stubborn are two roadblocks to a happy marriage.  It helps if you accept marital spats as an opportunity to resolve problems. It is okay to disagree. The key is learning how to work together to come up with a solution. It is a mistake to avoid conflict. Be honest and loving with your mate, share how you feel. Pray a lot!

Monday, November 4, 2013

How I Deal With Change

Our lives are filled with unexpected surprises. We can not shelter or protect ourselves from change. The best way to cope with change is to begin by accept the reality of the inevitability of change. I personally like my life the way it is. I say I do not like change but I seem to deal with it in a positive manner.

The question is why do I and others dislike change? This is a good question which requires some soul searching. It has to be fear, fear of the unknown.

I see individuals that like change. They are always wanting to change something. They change their hair style, hair color, move furniture in their home, trade cars and the list goes on and on.. These people welcome change.

The individuals that dread change get anxious and stressed when faced with change. This can cause health problems. Life is always changing. We have to learn to live with this fact.

How do we learn to live with change? A positive attitude helps me deal with change. I try to accept change as an opportunity to grow. Since I am an optimist, I expect a positive outcome. I anticipate everything is going to turn out for the better.You never know what opportunity God has waiting for you around the corner. 

Saturday, November 2, 2013

How To Be Happy!

I see many unhappy individuals that think money or material possessions will make them happy. They are constantly trying to fill the void in their life by consuming alcohol, food, or shopping. The problem is happiness can not be consumed, it comes from within your soul. They are satisfying desires which only brings fleeting happiness.

Happiness can not be achieved with money. Money may increase your comfort level in life, but comfort is not what makes people happy.

I have often been told I am a happy person. I guess it shows in our everyday life if we are happy. I have also been ask how can they find happiness? First and foremost it starts with your relationship with God. It is important to get the right amount of sleep, eat healthy, and exercise regularly. I think a grateful attitude is a must to being happy.

The other characteristic I think it takes to be happy is compassion. I have noticed people that lack compassion for others are always grumbling and complaining about something in life. When you give to others, it gives you a good feeling. I suggest you stop worrying and thinking about yourself and do something for others without resenting the act of kindness. I suggest volunteer at a school, nursing home, hospital, or church group. Set a goal everyday of finding and helping someone that needs food, clothing, or shelter. You do this and I promise you will be happy. When you are compassionate and help others, you get a wonderful feeling which is called happiness. I think when we are
compassionate we are exhibiting a Christ like characteristic. I think this is what makes us happy.